i choke on nothing...

i have no clue whats wrong with me, im a dumb ass mother fucker, i dont know what to do. i have this problem of being a fuckin boring ass around lauren, like im going to offend her or something, and i dont know why, but i just dont act like myself, and today didnt help either, i am in a really really bad mood, like i almost fought jesse burris for no reason. and then on top of that we didnt do anything tonight, so poor lauren is stuck with a boring ass guy, with nothing to do, and shes sick. well im sure she had fun... not. tomorrow is going to be gay as hell, i dont want to go to that stupid ass dance, but i have to. actually you know what i just decided, im not going to go. i think im going to sit at my house and do nothing, because thats how shitty i feel right now. i dont know though, tomorrow is a new day, and i need to stop feeling sorry for myself. oh and lauren, if you read this, im sorry im such a douche bag, and i swear im not as boring as i come off to be.

ok so i have good news everyone... me and lauren decided to start dating! im so happy right now, lol. i feel like a girl, jk. no but seriously, i really think she is an awesome girl, i love her personality, and shes really cute too, for all those people who dont know lauren. we had starbucks and i couldnt stop looking at her eyes, wow, jordan always used to tell me how ashley would give him the bambi eyes, and now i know what he means, lauren does the exact same thing, i also think shes one of the coolest girls ever... so anyways, long story short, i had a really good night...

krista...me love you long time...

well today was a wierd day because first of all i woke up at like 9:30, so i missed my first 2 classes, then i came into ceramics like 25 minutes late, but it was ok because mrs. tagg is cool. then it was lame because i totally spaced out my presentation for relationships, so we are going to go on thursday, then i cleaned out my car during 5th, and i was late to student council. it wasnt a very good day as far as school goes, but anyways, then me and jordan hung out, and we went over to ryans with alyssa and got really hyper, really fast, lol. we were like jumping all over the place, and megan got all pissed because i was talking russian, and she doesnt know it so she thought i was talking shit, which was actually kinda funny so i kept doing it. then we went and dropped alyssa off after we sat at jordans i learned "forever" by as i lay dying, i love tabit by the way, its probably the best invention ever. then after me and jordan ate dinner we went running with phil, alyssa, and ryan, which was cool, we didnt run much, we kinda talked for awhile, and then we would run, and then we would talk for awhile, i actually dont think it was worth our time... but then we went over to kristas and dylan was there, so we all had cigars and sat in his awesome van, but then right when we were leaving, a cop shows up and i just left because i had no clue what was going on, right when we turned the corner, he turned on his lights, so i thought he was going to pull us over because we had 5 people in my car, and my car only seats 4, so i was scared, but i guess kristas gay ass neighbors called because he was parked on the wrong side of the street, i mean who calls the cops because you are parked on the wrong side of the street, thats so ridiculous. oh so we dropped alyssa off for the second time, and then we played for awhile with just me justin and jordan, daryl couldnt be there because he got in trouble with his parents for something, and we also realized that he needs a new bass drum skin because there is now a hole in his somehow. so anyways we practiced and dylan was on the phone again, so we called a band meeting and basically got our point across that if you dont practice, you dont get to play, then lauren called me in the middle of our meeting, and i felt bad because i took awhile to call her back, but then i did and we talked for awhile, i told her about all my crazy adventures and stories and whatnot, it wasnt a bad conversation, it didnt feel akward at all, i mean there werent really any points where i was bored, no silent time or anything, lol. but then here i am taking forever to write this novel in my live journal, oh well ill update later. see ya...

wow, im so nervous for this upcoming rally, last night i seriously felt sick, im such a pussy about that kinda stuff, but my night got better, because i asked lauren if she would be my valentine, and to which she replied "of course" that made me happy, and i know playing at the rally wont be that big of a deal, but im still so nervous, im just scared we are going to get the fire alram pulled on us or something stupid. i dunno maybe i should just get over it, but its hard to get over that i am playing in front of 1600 people!

oh and ps, ash, krista, and alyssa, you guys always make me smile...

goodbye, my dear friends, goodbye...

i have a new crush on someone....

so worked sucked hard tonight, it was so slow, the clock seemed like it wouldnt move, and i didnt make shit for tips, but tomorrow will be a better day, mainly because i dont have to work, and me, krista, and alyssa are going shopping after school so i can buy some more pants, then i think we are going to the basketball game at pomona. oh so i forgot to tell you about earlier today, it was quite fun actually, even though i didnt do anything except for go over to kristas, we just hung out, which was cool because i like hanging out with krista, and then i went and picked up alyssa, jordan hung out with us for a little while, but i had to take him back to the school because he had to clean the weightroom for that dumb ass bfs clinic, i hate bfs so much, all they do is try to sell you stuff, anyways, im pretty sure he got in trouble because he was late, which was all my fault, im sorry jordan for making you late, then i went back over to kristas and some more of that bomb ass salsa her family gets, with those awesome lime chips...oh my god it was so good, im eating at kristas everyday from now on, jk. well then i got scared for no reason when her dad got home, because krista was all, "hurry go outside" so i freaked out and kinda hid behind the door hoping he wouldnt see me, and that he would just leave again or something, never knowing i was there, but he didnt, and he heard me talking, and i got scared again. well thats about it, im about to go to bed so ill update later you mofo's

i havent updated in this mofo for awhile. ok so lets start with friday... i went to denied's show, it was really really good, denied played awesome, and then the calefaction and everyday at sinai played really good too, it was a really good show, then we went to denny's and anton was funny as hell, he made the waiter give us 10 smiles and we didnt leave until he did, after that i went over to skyler's and hung out with all those guys, then last night i hung out with jordan and alyssa, we went over to ben's and ryan and justin were over there. it was fun, i dont think alyssa had much fun though, because she would rather be hanging out with zach, and i just can't stand that cocky bastard so i erased his number out of my phone so she couldnt hang out with him. we played pretty shitty, but it was still cool i was rocking out pretty good so it was fun. and now today i had to work from noon to 4 and now im getting ready to have an interview with the lady from westwood at 5 30, i am so tired and i am totally not ready for college, i wish i could be just be some piece of shit guy that does nothing his whole life, but im too much of a perfectionist to let myself do that. oh and me and jordan started a new band, its called sometimes on sundays, we are playing the rally, but thats not our real band sometimes on sundays, because its me him and daryl, plus brad, dylan, and justin. our real band is just me him and daryl. but oh well im ready to go to sleep, but i have to sit through an interview so im gonna update later on my wacky and wild adventures.

yeah so im pretty sure everyone is still missing ashley... write me back if you read this. but anyways me and jordan made about the coolest song ever, we combined "war all the time" by thursday and "love song" by 311 and got "love all the time", actually jordan made up most of the guitar, but all the bass is war all the time, and some guitar at the end is love song... ok so im sorry i just bored all of you to death, but anyways, my good friend jordan just informed me right now of just about the coolest show ever to take place, it is atreyu, unearth, norma jean, and scars of tomorrow. ill cut my leg off to go see that i dont care what i have going on, that concert is at the head of my agenda as of now. ill sell my body to go to that show, whatever it takes im going. but alright, im gonna get off this homo ass shit ill update later bitches.

yeah so its been awhile since i wrote in this mofo... well lets see first of all i dont really want to date vanessa anymore. i think she was just sort of a rebound situation. and also we all still miss ashley, and the good old days of standing outside of krista's house doing nothing freezing our asses off. well not much else has really gone down, ill update later bitches.

so lately ive felt like shit, my throat is killing me, and i have a bad ear infection. but i guess ill man it out and stop complaining. so i finally heard from ashley, which was good, i still cant believe shes gone. i cant wait till she comes back so we can at least stand outside kristas house and do nothing again, i would feel so much better knowing shes here and just be able to see her everyday if i really wanted to. but oh well man i know she is happy down there, and whatever makes her happiest is good. so im gonna go bitches. peace

i cant believe she really left us:( all of us thought she wouldnt really leave, we all thought she was gonna chicken out at the last minute, but no she didnt she went through with it! im sooooooooooo depressed, and i havent heard from her which makes it a million times worse, i know krista said she was happy, but i need to talk to her to know she is ok. as bad as things got when she somewhat screwed jordan over, i still am going to miss her and i know i will see her again but it wont be the same without her here! well im done with this emo song ill talk to you all later

so tonight was an interesting night, me and jordan decided to go running... then we felt like shit because the cold air hurt our lungs. then we went to my house for a while and were bored out of our skulls. then i decided to call krista and we went to this bunk party way out in bfe, but it was ok because we hung out with krista and ashley, then miley and brad showed up so it wasnt all that bad. the only thing is i had to drive there and back like 4 times. it took so long, but lately i decided to be nice to people so i volunteered to give krista, ashley, lauren, and alyssa all rides home, which i dont mind. i really think that alyssa and lauren think i am a wierd guy. but thats ok, because i am somewhat wierd. they all listen to rap, and me of course i listen to the exact opposite, so they were forced to listen my stuff. yeah so jordan got asked about tonight, by a quite attractive girl. she asked some girl to get his number for her, which is lame because thats something you do in like middle school, but oh well so i think im done typing for now goodbye

so i know i have been complaining alot about alexis. but its ok, i realize i have been wasting my time with her, and i know now that she was a mistake to begin with. and it's cool to, she has her loser ass 22 year old faggot ass mofo, and i am now dating the coolest girl in the whole world. me and vanessa decided to start dating again wednesday night(well actually thursday morning). so i am now officially over alexis and i can move on with my life in a positive way, man it feels so good to be with someone that i actually know likes me. well other than my girl problems life has been ok recently, this is a bad month for me but right now i feel pretty good. yesterday i took jordan christmas shopping and he got a new belt, and i got some stuff for vanessa. i bought my parents the lamest gift in the whole world, but they were cool and said that it was the thought that counts. dylan thinks i didnt get him anything, and i can tell he is jealous because i got something for jordan, but i did get him something, its too bad i wont be able to give it to him until after christmas, seeing as how i have to work all day sunday and im not leaving my house during christmas. tonight i opened my gift from the brown family, they got me a pretty cool american eagle shirt, and for that i am truly greatful. so anyways i think im done sharing my info for today. goodbye.

Survey

[ Current Clothes ]jeans, and a hook ups shirt
[ Current Mood ] good
[ Current Music ] thursday
[ Current Taste ] smoke
[ Current Make-up ] none
[ Current Hair ] all messed up
[ Current Annoyance ] alexis
[ Current Smell ] foaming hand soap
[ Current Favorite Picture ] deftones in st. paul
[ Current Favorite Group ] deftones
[ Current Book you're reading ] none
[ Current CD in CD Player] war all the time-thursday
[ Current DVD in player] me, myself and irene
[ Current Refreshment ] None
[ Current Worry ] christmas

LAST PERSON...
[ You Talked to ] vanessa
[ You Hugged ] my grandma
[ You Instant messaged ]matt
[ You Yelled At ] alexis
[ You Kissed ]vanessa

FAVORITE...
[ Food ] pears
[ Drink ] gatorade
[ Color ] red
[ Shoes ] DC
[ Candy ] don't eat candy
[ Animal ] Dog
[ TV Show ] the ali g
[ Movie ] nap dyn
[ Dance ] hmmm
[ Song ] the infinity-five pointe 0
[ Vegetable ] Green beans
[ Fruit ] pear
[ Cartoon ] family guy

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] alexis
[ Slap ] alexis
[ Get Really Wasted With ] jordan
[ Get High With ] ben collins
[ Look Like ] chad from atreyu


-W H O-
[makes u laugh the most?] jordan
[makes you smile] vanessa
[gives u a funny feeling when u see them] not sure
[who do you have a crush on?] my hand
[has a crush on u?] i dont know
[is easiest to talk to] Ness

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend] yes
[been rejected] yeah
[rejected someone] yeah
[been used]yes
[been cheated on] yes
[done something you regret] yeah

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes] sometimes
[could u live without the computer?] yea
[color ur hair] yes
[ever get off the computer] yes
[habla espanol] no
[how many peeps are on ur buddylist?] like 20
[like watching sunrises or sunset] sunset
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain? Emotional Pain

-N U M B E R-
of times I have had my heart broken?: not really that kind of person
of hearts I have broken?:numerous
of guys I have kissed?: ...
of girls I have kissed?: too many to count
of continents I have lived in?: one
of tight friends?: a whole grip foo
of scars on my body?:a whole grip foo

ok, so im so frustrated with my situation, seriously i feel like a girl. i have no clue how i got so whooped over alexis so fast, but i did. this sucks i need to find a smart girl that doesn't think she is the shit... but it seems like all the girls i have dated lately think they are #1(except for ness-bts 4 ever) hmm, i swear to god i would be a fag if i didnt think homosexuality was gross. alright i send this one out to all my little girlies down in a-town, keep on truckin, do what what you do, and remember you can always flip her and dick her before she roll you and blow you. late nig

ok this is the last time im going to complain about gay ass alexis. ok so she actually had the nerve to ask if i was pissed. first of all i think you would have to be retarded or psychotic to not be pissed in my situation. second of all she then told me "whatever. fuck you. i dont care." to which i replied "no fuck you. i hope in the future you can keep your legs closed for one night, slut." to which i got a reply "youre fucked up" and im scratching my head thinking im crazy. i cant believe she has the nerve to think im in the wrong here. what a stupid bitch. wow i cant believe i got myself into this mess, its seems like i have the worst luck with girls. and when i actually do get a girl thats cool as hell i am a dumb ass and break up with her, seriously what the fuck man. oh well thats why i have friends like jordan and brad to help me along my way of sorrow and depression. one because jordan just got screwed and two brad thinks hes about to get screwed, so no two better guys than these two to help me get through this. man, i swear if i didnt think being gay is gross, i would be. guys are so much cooler than girls, its a fact.

last night i found out my 16 year old girlfriend had sex with a 22 year old man. so that kinda sucks. but oh well im over it. she can fuck anyone she wants now, dumb ass fucking slut bitch whore. she is gay, and needs to learn how to keep her legs closed for one fucking night. alright im gonna leave to play instruments with my good friend jordan, who also feels heart ache in this point in time. bye

foul is today,
as roses twine,
like barbed wire,
lying across this severed heart,
life springs,
from these already burned towns,
i am getting weak,
can i even stand?
stand the misery?
what is life?
and what has life become?
now to us it's so meaningless,
false promises,
empty threats,
foul is today...

try to ask why
cut down by design
please talk, don't be shy
it's my hands you bind

my life's gone down the drain
i shake as i stare
swimming endlessly throughout this pain
i don't even know why i care

push me away
away even further
you've dug your hole
now try and climb out

bleed me dry
bleed me dry
ive left you by default
you left me by choice

bleed me dry
bleed me dry

im so excited, tomorrow im going to get my lip pierced, and i hope it looks good. but at least its a piercing so i can take it out if i dont like it. so anyways, things are going good with me and alexis, right now we are just dating but i think soon i am going to ask her to be my girlfriend. i feel bad though because lately ive been kinda mean to her, and its not her at all its just that this is a really bad month for me, and i guess i need to work on not taking my frustrations out on other people. ive really been mean to everyone, and i like being mean as dumb as that sounds, because it gets people to leave me alone. well im bored and i have nothing else to write, bye.